Download PDF

Resume & Cover Letter Bloopers

Post Views 5169

Here is another web meme, found in the wilds of the Internet. It claims to have been published in Fortune magazine. Anyway, it’s funny.

These are (supposedly) real comments and notes culled from resumes and cover letters. All misspellings and typos are original.

“I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.”

“I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreasheet progroms.”

“Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.”

“Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.”

“Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.”

“Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.”

“It’s best for employers that I not work with people.”

“Let’s meet, so you can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over my experience.”

“You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.”

“Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.”

“I was working for my mom until she decided to move.”

“I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.”

“I am loyal to my employer at all costs. Please feel free to respond to my
resume on my office voice mail.”

“I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and
absolutely nothing.”

“My goal is to be a meterologist. But since I possess no training in
meterology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.”

“I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.”

“Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.”

“As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.”

“Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.”

“Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping’. I have never
quit a job.”

“Marital status: often. Children: various.”

“Reason for leaving my last job: They insisted that all employees get to
work by 8:45 am every morning. I couldn’t work under thos conditions.”

“The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.”

“Finished eighth in my class of ten.”

“References: none. I’ve left a path of destruction behind me.”

Got any good ones? Let us know in the comments!

Resume & Cover Letter Bloopers by
Authored by: Erik Even

  • Keepee

    Oh man, people are crazy! I love the article. I actually have seen someone use chat speak in a resume. How disturbing is that? Needless to say, for some reason we preferred to hire folks that could write in full words and minus thousands of “miss spelings”.

    -Kristen
    keepsbuns@yahoo.com

  • RexC

    One of my favorites is ‘Career break in 1999 to renovate my horse’ because R isn’t even near U on the keyboard.

  • veester29

    These are pretty funny. All I can say is use spell check! I read enough resumes all day long to know any spelling error will cost you the job!

    -Harry Vee (veester29@gmail.com)

  • Zac

    I currently review resumes for my company right now as well. I’ve seen some good ones! Here my personal favorite:

    “No edjucation but can get a G.E.D. by tomorrow.”

  • paulee9009

    It’s so funny to see what people put on their resumes. If I was a person who had one of this resumes or cover letter I would be really embarrassed since most of those were pretty bad.

  • stock623

    Haha these are too funny, did they really expect to get a job with these things on their resumes? I enjoyed reading these and hope there is more to come. Nick S. stock623@gmail.com

  • realtowel

    Those ones are pretty funny the best I’ve seen was “I believe that weakness is the first level of strength, given the right attitude and driving force. My school advised me to fix my punctuality…”

  • madhukalash

    It’s really sad part of resume makers that they write so much misspellings, typos, wrong and unwanted information, incorrect grammar etc. They need to be more cautious on this.

  • InfiniteTeach

    Extremely interesting and funny look at some resume errors! Never ceases to amaze me what people miss when reviewing their work! Great Stuff!

    Nic
    spammytime@gmail.com

  • dustinj81

    “In a graduating class with a 99% success rate……i was that 1%”

    Dustin J dustinj81@yahoo.com

  • randomshapeless

    Randomshapeless Randomspaceless@gmail.com

    Reminds me of when a friend of mine growing up tricked his boss by submitting a bogus application. He put under “technical expertise” Rotary phones and 28.8kbps modems.

  • gagerk123

    neifferg@yahoo.com
    Gage Neiffer

    Eye kan bery muchh sow sumpathyss wit tis gie. Eye con knot spelle bery wele eyether. Eye thot tis twas bery amoosing az vell.

  • sneakerpimp

    Tommy Rokhstein TRS1@gmail.com
    This actually was a great deal of help to me and came at the perfect time too. Im currently looking for a job, and have been in the process of sending out a lot of resumes and cover letters. In my cover letters i have been sending out the same basic template and just adjusting the company name and position for each one until i got some ideas form this post.

  • JobGuru

    A hared working job aspirant wrote in his job application ” I am a sincere and responsible person. Whatever work I am entrusted I hardly work”

  • rakes211

    that is ridiculous. im not sure that anyone could be that foolish. i mean im surprised that any of those people could read no less create a resume

    Brian Priest
    babaable2121@live.com

  • patrick

    That is hilarious. My favorite one is “I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreasheet progroms.”

    Where did you find this stuff?
    Keep up the good work.

  • dnvntm

    Always try to keep your resume simple and easy for the reader to follow and understand. Don’t make it too fancy and stick to the straight forward facts

  • idiotballroom

    These are too funny. Some of them seem unbelievable, but if they are in fact real… well that’s too funny. The workforce at work.

  • ERan

    It’s hard to believe that any of these could be considered truthful comments from cover letters and resumes. People would either have to be way too cocky or way too stupid to write such ridiculous things on such an important document. When I write a resume I keep it short, sweet, and humble.

    -ERan from nightcaptain@hotmail.com

  • mmmsleeping

    OMG these are so funny!!! I personally like the one where they person received a plague for Salesman of the year lmao. This is very good stuff, enjoying reading through it :-D

    Kyle Koss
    kyle.koss1@yahoo.com

  • AlbyOne

    Those are all absolute rippers! I do like the Word Perfect one. As an employer in hospitality, I always have people asking me for work, we I ask them to bring me a resume I never see them again. That says something in its self.

  • TheBlogger

    Very funny! I have seen some pretty bad ones like:

    “Career break in 1999 to renovate my horse”
    “I prefer lunch to be gin at Noon everyday.”

    But I think this list has some of the best ones I have seen.

    Dan Rice
    drice48@gmail.com

  • damen

    Some of these sentences look as though they are being written by kindergartners, the typo’s and lack of grammar are evident, not to mention the jokes are horrible.
    damen, damenz51893@hotmail.com

  • takealvoy

    Lawl, this is pretty funny, especially like the last one reminds me of myself! Too bad some people never learned to use a word processor.

    Tain Voyer
    takealvoy@hotmail.com

  • capser116

    “i slacked off on tps raports, and was told id be a better janator.”

  • sabercat44

    haha those were some good ones. Its amazing how people can still misspell words even with the advent of spellcheck.

  • sgtgalvan

    It is true, most people will walk into a company and demand or state the most rediculus statements. The article above is truthful and insightful, even humorous. My favorite quote is, “Reason for leaving my last job: They insisted that all employees get to
    work by 8:45 am every morning. I couldn’t work under thos conditions.” That’s just crazy.

  • matt063

    Ha, these are great, but the real question is? Could you ever recover from some of these? This is when lying may have been the right thing to do no? Excellent post made me smile :)

  • PuRpLeSmUrF

    It’s hard to believe that any of these could be considered truthful comments from cover letters and resumes. People would either have to be way too cocky or way too stupid to write such ridiculous things on such an important document. When I write a resume I keep it short, sweet, and humble. “Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping’. I have never
    quit a job.” That is my favorite :)

  • vic97

    i hate it when i end up doing the same. not on resumes but on other stuff. im pretty use to “chat speak” and all but i do during homework.

    -victor machuca
    vmachuca1989@yahoo.com

  • HawkManson

    “Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.” – There is something about this one that cracks me up because I saw something very similar to this at my school one time for someone who was running for Senior Class President!

    Hilarious Article, feel bad for the chaps that put these on their applications :)